Silent

Laurent Hellot – 2017 © Médium toi-même ! - http://www.mediumtoimeme.net

Shhh ! Above all, no words…

Shhh ! Please, do not disturb…

Shhh ! I am not part of this world…

 

I came one day, from high above, falling from the sky like a dove. I was considered as a mystery, a strange energy ; not quite human, not quite certain I was in the right time, in the right place, in the middle of this mess, as a cloud in the desert, a blessing or a threat.

 

I found myself a role, embracing my life like a doll, doing what was expected from a perfect being, working, smiling and sleeping ; but in the dreams of those nights, I was the one showing fear and fright, happy at last to be the queen under the spolights. It was funny though, how theses little men were scared to death as soon as they looked at what lied underneath, my body and my mind, this univers full of creatures of all kinds. But when the sun came up, I was back to work, efficient and serious, far from glamourous, the exact replica of an unbearable dilemma : how to live in a coma ; in the mists of dispair, in the center of a nightmare ; a boring existence, with no kind of romance, dull days one after the other in only a way, to keep on acting as a machine.

 

But shhh ! I am not ready to express myself…

But shhh ! I am supposed to undergo life as dead…

But shhh ! I am singing for a crowd of deafs…

 

And I carry on as if it is normal, in the day as a sunflower, in the night as an owl ; a schizophrenic attitude, with absolutely no altitude, just stuck to the pavement, hurling out of tourments, incapable a rising at any moment, just tortured by the evidence : I am hung at a gallows, that is my chance.

 

Sometimes I imagine what I could do, with all the gifts and experiences I have been through. I could jump in the sky, and reach theses stars, no matter how high. I could dig the ground, and guess what I found ? Diamants and emeralds. I could swim into the ocean, and become a mermaid, irresistible and brilliant.

 

But shhh ! I am not entitled to happiness…

But shhh ! Only tears are what I get…

But shhh ! I am bound to be discovered and then forgotten…

 

I wake up every morning, with the urge to end this boring, insane living. I eat, I get dressed, I look at me in the mirror, and all I see is a mess, a ghost full of distress, a corpse with no face : me, at my best.

 

I go to work, I read the papers, I meet people, most of them jerks.

I come back home, I stand in the living room alone.

I get back to sleep, with these pills.

 

Magic.

Tragic.

 

And I hear my soul screaming, from the morning to the evening, a yell so powerfull I can hardly stay cool, any second I am there, or beyond.

 

This can’t be.

Not anymore.

 

This is not my destiny.

Not for more.

 

I am now exploding all these doors, shut around me, making me dizzy.

I am blowing apart, this fake game of cards.

 

I am starting to be me.

I decide to live deeply,

 

not afraid anymore of my own ghosts,

since they are not monsters, but treasures.

 

I undertake my desires.

I embrace all pleasures,

 

And on my face a bizarre figure,

A smile that is going to last for ever.

 

I won’t be silent no more.

I am singing like a chor.

 

I am not a perfect statue.

I am an angel « jamais vu »,

 

since I can be whatever I want,

a bee or a giant,

 

because I came one day, from high above, falling from the sky like a dove. I don’t care being considered as a mystery, a strange energy ; not quite human, not quite certain I am in the right time, in the right place, in the middle of this mess, as a cloud in the desert, a blessing or a threat.

 

It is up to me to decide the way I live, but be sure that from now

 

I will shine like a rainbow.

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