Laurent Hellot – 2018 © Médium toi-même ! -

There is not much to do, in such a situation : lost in the middle of a forest, in complete desolation ; you sit, you cry, and you consider your options.

First, you remember how on earth you came across such an incredible malfunction ; the decision you made that morning, in front of the television, face to the images blown out of a sick imagination. You thought you could as well reach theses paradisiacal destinations. You convinced yourself you would easily make the most of your impulsion


And it failed miserabily.


You decided anyway to go straight away without a destination. You packed your bag, you didn’t look sad, but a bit relieved to have been able to achieve such a motivation, to at last go through the door and leave behind you the past.


And it all exploded in a blast.


You walked a while, nor happy, nor sad, just carrying on, sometimes wearing a uniform, sometimes sleeping like a log, but in no manner in control of the salvage dogs you let out in the fog, rambling such as rogs, wild things not registered in any catalog ;


Just like you : sometimes a ghost, sometimes a hedgehog, but not a human, good Lord !


But at one point, you made this encouter, a amazing light which made your world look weaker, a bright star that showed you how far your went, darker and darker. It was such a relieve, such a blessing. You started to look happier, a bit like a forest fire that suddenly disappears to transform in a intense spark, so much better. And you thought that, may be, you would be allowed hope, at least for a minute.


And it vanished immediately.


So you carried on roaming, again and again, looking for that one thing which would break the chains you’ve been tied in, with all that pain, to have felt the happiness of a blessing and to have lost it, in vain.


And here you are, on the top of this mountain, surrounded by all the stars, but incapable of picking up one,

Yours, all the same.


You’ve got your bag, a heavy shade of rain, all the tears you have to deal with, to fullfil the game you’re in : to break free, in a manner no one could ever be happy.

So you watch this landscape, all these trees, covering these mountains in which you desperately crave to break free, like a bee glued in honey. And the more you look, the less you find the way in this loneliness, whereas you were only looking for company.


You are alone, and this is killing you softly.


You are in the right place, though ; the one where there is no more possible mess, no runaway in a quest that has no sens, in which there is nothing to confess.

You are in the right time also, when there is no choice but to dilute your ego, to give up the fight to be a hero, to leave all you’ve won from your previous rodeos.


The tranformation begins now.


First, you stand up, you, solo.

You leave all what you thought were treasures and bravos.

You look, not outside in the world, but in yourself, with no words.


And you listen, you consider what happens ;


A small glow in the dark of your fears and sorrows,

A sudden relieve of pains and how,


from a constant rain, appears now a rainbow

tiny indeed, but growing strong and rapid, in one go.


You are not in the dark anymore.

You shine like a bright light and even more,

You are the star that you were looking at, like in front of a mirror.


There is no more fight, no more sneaking at the back door.


A new day begins, and you are not alone anymore.

From all the moutains here comes a scream :


« YOU WIN ! »


and you suddenly smile from all the joy you feel : you are a knight with no armor,


and you deserve the bright futur waiting at your door.

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